“If this isn’t done right, anger will explode in the Muslim world.”
Imam Rauf
Piers Morgan:
My name is Piers Morgan, the more drab less glamorous alternative to Simon Cowel that hijacked Larry King's revered talk show seat the moment he let his moral compass go haywire and banged his wife’s hotter, younger sister which lead to her half ass suicide attempt that yuked up his spotty, overrated, broadcasting career. Today, I’m interviewing a former Oil Commodities Trader for Goldman Sachs that is now working as a Radical Analyst for Allah and Associates. On the Iranian Stock Exchange floor they call him the: The Prophet of Persia, that is able to boldly predict the wild mood swings within the radical Muslim world with razor sharp precision. May I call you the Prophet of Persia?
Prophet of Persia: Go nuts, Piers.
Piers Morgan: The builder of the new mosque by Ground Zero was just quoted as saying that if this building isn’t done right and is forced to move to a different location that anger will explode in the Muslim World.
Prophet of Persia:
He really went out on a limb with that prediction, huh!Piers Morgan:
Are you being sarcastic?Prophet of Persia:
The radical world is pretty empowered as is. Will the blocking of the Interfaith Center make the radicals more angry? I don’t know if that’s possible Piers. In order to be a Radical Muslim in the first place, you’ve already reached your boiling point, checked out of a society and solidified your commitment to mayhem and destruction at any human cost.Piers:
But denying this Mosque will give the Radicals more reasons to believe that America is more at war with Islam than what it leads us to believe.Prophet of Persia:
Because the US lead, endless, fruitless, terrorist manhunt in Afghanistan, Yemen, and Iraq isn’t racially biased or influenced by their intense hatred for radical Islam at all.Piers:
Are you saying that US is at war with Islam already but just ashamed to admit it?Prophet of Persia:
Obama can give all the peace talks he wants in Cairo.He can push Israel back to the negotiating table with the Palestinians as often as he wants, but he still pushed for more troops to go back into Afghanistan without any clear exit plan that will be Uncle Sam limping away with it's bankrupt, battered tail between it's legs.Piers:
Were getting off the subject. Your the expert assessor, the radical analyst for Allah and Associates. What sort of response do you expect from the radical Muslim world if this mosque is forced to move locations?Prophet of Persia:
I predict that the Taliban won’t have any trouble filling any remaining job openings. I predict that the Al Qaeda will experience a surge in popularity even though their pretty stingy when it comes to doling out vacation time after they promise an endless fulfilling sex life in the after life. I predict that American Flag sales will increase dramatically because flag burning is a cherished past time in my country that should experience a major resurgence again. I predict that the moderate Muslims that hadn’t looked at Radical Islam might give it a closer look. I predict that Bin Laden will use this mosque defeat in his next power point recruitment presentation. But I don’t predict that radical Muslims will do anything as outrageous as pray in a community center by ground zero that has proposed shared spaces for Jews, Muslims, and any other denomination that they want to throw into this forced upon, all inclusive divinity project.Piers:
That was a real mouthful, if your tongue worked any harder, you’d be the Arab world’s answer to Ellen Degeneres. Back to central question that’s dominating the headlines. Are the radicals strengthened since the alleged Koran burning and non stop protest against the building of this Muslim backed, community center/mosque?Prophet of Persia:
Radial Islam is pretty strong as it is. Radical Islam has morally and financially bankrupted the US, you can’t come up with a stronger enemy than that.Piers:
Since the proposed Koran Burning, all of these alleged Muslim assessment experts are popping up on the news like Insurance Agents, assessing the potential damage if a Koran was burnt on US soil. How do you gage the impact for this action exactly? Is there a mathematical formula that is used the way Quant Traders on Wall Street asses risk?Prophets of Persia:
I wouldn’t say that we have it down to an exact science Piers, experts on Radical Islam responses make broad based, gut confirming, prediction calls based on prior radical performances. But if I had to break it down I’d say one burnt Koran by a Florida Pastor means the destruction of Disney Land, the frozen chamber of Walt going first. Now, if the NY Post did a cartoon by Allah riding Dumbo while hurling down hand grades on the future exhibit at Epcot Center, that would equal the end of human civilization as we know it.Piers:
That’s a pretty dark assessment.Prophets of Persia:
Fine, bet against the radical response to a Koran burning for all I care. Piss away all your new American Anchor money, I won’t lose any sleep over it.Piers:
Should Americans that live, work and travel in Muslim dominated countries feel any more threatened now that his Mosque might be dead before it ever got off the ground?Prophet of Persia
For starters, how many Americans does this really represent in the first place, 2% tops, who are we talking about here, traveling Persian Rug Salesman, oil executives from Halliburton who dig for riches and pump our region for as much gross profit as they can while overcharging the US government by 5000 %,Piers:
Oil Executives from Halliburton and traveling Persian Rug Salesman aren’t the only the Americans that travel overseas in Muslim dominated countries.Prophets of Persia:
What are you digging for here Piers? Radical Islam was already enraged at any gay, female, white skin exposed infidel that crossed their path even before 9/11 so let’s not blow this out of proportion. Radical Muslims wanted to deflower virgins in the afterlife as much now as they did twenty years ago when the Iatola Komani and Arafat would plot suicide bombing over games of Zonk at their local hookah bar on Slow Tuesdays, for all the hash you can heat.Piers:
But by not rallying behind this proposed community based mosque center, aren’t we giving the terrorists more reasons to destroy our falsified, dying freedom loving way of life that has no room for overblown, sky high, Muslim backed community centers?Prince of Persia:
Radical Muslims live to destroy or else they wouldn’t be Radical Muslims in the first place. Instead, they’d open up an oxygen bar in Westwood or become a taxi driver in New York City.Piers:
What sort of headlines to do you foresee in the Muslim Press if this mosque has to move to a more obscure, less blood scented location?Prince of Persia:
Muslim Day Massacre, Persian Rug Salesman gets thrown in a desert ditch wrapped up in his own rug. Halliburton pumps their last profit. Muslim Mountain Men come out of hiding to carry out their FINAL MISSION.Piers:
I’d say that sums it up, sleep tight folks.
Written by,
Josh Kornbluth
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