Off the List

Melo and Amare make quite a handsome pair

A real bromance has begun. Amare and Melo sitting in a SUV, cruising down the west side, BALLING. Melo and Amare are the most impressive royal couple to storm Manhattan since the Obama’s. Jeter’s receding jug head hair line can’t compete with these two galloping, gravity defying, sculpted black stallions. Sanchize can bang a teenager from Greenwich and bang Turtle’s ex all he wants but the lighter Latin looking version of Don Johnson’s partner in Miami Vice will have to make room in the VIP room at Marquee for these two by four, hardwood packing, blinged out stars that have already burned a bright hole through the garden by flashing a combined 160 million star lit smile which makes us forget that Winter is still here and that Peter Vecsey has plenty of grumbling left. New York City Sports Writers would never draw attention to a player’s looks because it would rub them raw knowing that besides natural leaping ability, that good looks was another god given gift they never received. But I’m a fringe blogger who blows commission checks on dress shirts with colorful stripes, so let’s examine the role fashion and style played in making the Knicks lock down Melo like he was the last prettiest girl at the ball to be had.

Everyone in New York says Isiah was the one who pushed Dolan to purge the talent pool in order to make room for the splashier, fancier, more decorated star like Magic Melo light who is more likely to pull of a Triple Linding than the flat footed Italian Stallion. The garden faithful will miss Gallo as much as a soggy, cooled Calzone once Melo starts swishing nets, landing winning shots and cools the heated hoopla about Miami remaining the team to beat once the grimacing three Celtics decide to retire.

While Isiah single handily brought the Knick Franchise to it’s knees, reducing into an ugly, diseased, runaway failure of the lowest order, he still dresses fly like an unfazed corporate pimp no matter how many times his stable of tricks got busted up. Nobody ever talks about it but maybe that’s why Dolan keeps Isiah so close. Dolan is no fashion plate and a real dumpy mess of a man with underfed dreams of rock and roll superstardom yet Isiah is the first rock star black GM/Blair Underwood look alike that won two rings with the Pistons who also sports five thousand dollar suits Larry Brown style yet also talks in a smooth low key patter that puts Dolan at ease. As a result, Dolan feels flat out cooler by having Isiah close to his ear, whispering sweet pleasantries like: You move better than Jim Belushi every time you take the stage at the House of Blues. You make that scruffy goatee look dignified and edgy in a barely washed, slept in my cloths, John Mcclane sort of way. Trade for Melo, castrate Donnie Walsh and let me in again for old times sake, Anucha Browne Sanders won’t get between us this time. If Judd Apatow wanted to dump Paul Rudd for a second and write a bromance about Isiah and Dolan, he could call it, “Dolan will always open the door for the Isiah, especially from the back.”

While the Knick’s gave away plenty they also have a great shot of getting the equally sexy Chris Paul who some have called an evolutionary Isiah which makes Dolan more erect than before. But Carmelo was the prettiest girl available and Dolan gave away whatever it took to land this piece of arm candy like Melo was Sharon Stone in Casino although instead of trusting Melo with his life he’s entrusting him with the future of his franchise.

Now Carmelo and Stat are the supreme fashion duo in New York, the Olsen Twins and Ponchos that cloth them can’t compete. If Carmelo and Stat sample a piece of the Olsen Twins, they’ll feel separated alright. Stat already posed as a naked black Adonis on the cover of ESPN Magazine. Plus, Anna Wintour at Vogue invited him to sit up front at Fashion Week and plans to put him on the cover of the magazine which will make us forget the stupid photo of Lebron on the cover grasping for Gisele like King Kong in a head band. It’s doesn’t get any more high fashion than Vogue and Carmelo looked like a real fashion plate on his wedding day, spotting that flashy, rich red Boutonniere in that super fly, charcoal grey tux that screamed I’m the new black elite that can’t be beat. Together, Stat and Melo are a pair of black beauties that will keep the ladies of New York occupied and up all night long.

This All-Star weekend taught me that these NBA stars are major celebrities and fashionistas in their own right and Carmelo received paparazzi treatment like no other. Can you imagine the press ever being obsessed with figuring out whether Drew Barrymore will go back to woman after dating Justin Long? Would Carmelo get all this attention if he looked more like Justin Long? I don’t think so. Is Carmelo deeper than just a fancy starlet that can tip toe around the three point line and flick up jump shots that arch beautifully like a Goose neck on ecstasy? Time will tell. But for now, the Knicks have a dashing pair of stars that will host the most rocking party at the Garden tonight. Star power, looks and the promise of the Knick’s landing one more future hottie that can put out has now made the Garden the hottest club in town.

Written By

Josh Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is every foul against Gallinari a flagrant slap of disrespect?

“Opposing Players love to foul Gallinari”

 WSJ

James Brown once sang: It’s a man’s world but it would be nothing, nothing without a woman or girl. I’d like to revise this sentiment and say that the NBA is a black man’s world but it wouldn’t be any fun if there were no white boys to whip around. It turns out that opposing players love to hit Gallinari because he looks like the oafish version of John Turturro in Do the Right Thing.  I’m sure that has something to do with it but why is Gallo picked apart with such ferocity? Do all the black players see him as the Italian Chicken? That would explain why they rush to grab a piece of him instead of leaving him untouched from far beyond the three point line.  

Gallo is known for drawing the majority of these fouls away from the basket so these players are really intent on bum rushing him outside the paint so they can make such a striking lasting impression but why is that?  Does Dwight Howard maul him because on Basketball Wives on VHI, his ex wife told her girlfriends that she thought Gallo was cute which motivated him to do his best Jake LaMotta impersonation? Dwight slams Gallo to the ground from five feet behind the three point line and plants his size fifteen shoes over him while he lies with his head split open and big bad Dwight says: You look cuter on TV.

Why are players so willing to exert their manhood on Gallo so he limps away like Beecher in OZ? Do they beat up on him more because they can’t stand the idea of him joining the holy group of other famous Italian’s that bless the walls of New York’s finest, old-school pizzerias?  Getting into early foul trouble limits your playing time and hurts your team’s chances of winning.  Yet players can’t control themselves around Gallo. They love to hit on him as often as possible so they can prove that Italians no longer pack any real muscle or have the capacity to carry out any deadly hits of their own.  Are these players intent on beating up Gallo so he doesn’t need a translator to translate who owns who? Does he get fouled more frequently because white boys bruise easier which makes this sign of domination more pronounced on High Definition Television?

 Do white boys like Gallo get fouled more than other players because he’s another glamorized white boy that has made a mini splash from overseas?  Of course he does, but is every single foul against Gallo a flagrant slap of disrespect for even attempting to muscle in on the black man’s territory? Is every unnecessary out of the way foul on Gallo the universal sign of black power in the NBA? If Gallo wins a title like Manu will he still get mugged like a cross eyed Italian tourist? White boys like Gallo will never get any respect by opposing players in the NBA because they rarely take over games and there are no franchise players left like Bird to prove otherwise unless you include Kevin Love but let’s not get carried away yet. Even in Bird’s prime when he was defeating Magic in the finals, Isiah belittled his accomplishments by saying if he was black he wouldn’t be considered that special. Deep down, I understand why black players in the NBA are quick to bash and belittle these white hopes because the fans and media are so quick to build them up as the long lost saviors of pure bred basketball that started in the farms but got taken over by the inner cities. Gallo will continue to get manhandled like Sophia Loren because he is a pretty, bouncy target that is begging to get hit on and slapped around like an overrated, overhyped, overseas star in this league.

Written By,

Josh Kornbluth