How did Libyan Rebels become our tag team partners? That’s like Sergeant Slaughter pairing up with a low rent version of the Iron Sheik. Obama claims that we got into this Battle Royal because are other partners have already bum rushed the ring, like England and France round out our version of the dreaded Four Horsemen. On the Daily Show, I heard that the English refused to launch a punishing aerial attack like the Dynamite Kid from the British Bull Dogs. Can the US at least commit to character, throw on some war paint and become a pumped up, roid raging version of the Road Warriors or rip off act known as Demolition. Since 9/11, our troops have become real life road warriors that have been unleashed on every bloodthirsty Arab dictator and Terrorist group in the Middle East like a bunch of Hulkamaniacs gone wild. I can’t think of a staged war that’s been as poorly marketed as this one. Screw Donald Trump, Vince McMahon should run for President because if anybody knows how to drum up drama, puff up it’s soldiers and get the fans screaming for blood while also clearly painting who’s good and whose bad, it’s this guy. I don’t know what Manager is managing our troops anymore yet if we hired the Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart, we’d know exactly what were up against, how we plan on doing it while also getting some priceless smack talking from a legendary wrestling manager that dressed like a gay country singer manager but spoke with the authority of a confederate general with the Civil War on the line. Obama has this fixation with proving how adept he is at launching an aerial attack and running the two minute drill unlike black quarterbacks like Randall Cunningham. Dropping bombs from the sky in Vietnam never worked so why do we still insist on shitting away more expensive weaponry on targets that have nothing to do with bombing the one dictator in power that dragged us into a pet humanitarian project that has us teaming up with illiterate rebels with no discernable leader that the Arab world can rally behind. The bottom line is that Obama has zero experience running the two minute drill in crunch time when all of our good will capital and trust foundation with the American public is on the line yet he reprimands us for throwing a flag for a false start on the offense. Once again, Obama takes his sweet ass time to grace us with his go to game plan for ending a massacre that has less do with American interests than the Koran or David Beckham. But Obama, the all mighty moral one claims our bomb mission was responsible for preventing Ghadafi from wiping out a rebel population the size of Charlotte. Then again, I’m sure that Phillip Morris and all of the cigarette companies in Charlotte and North Carolina kill as many Americans each year if not more yet I don’t see us bombing those cancer factories. Will bombing dictators that never bombed us ever be out of fashion? At what point will the US military and voters rise up and say: Bombing dictators that don’t attack us is so post 9/11. Then again, these hand me down wars are quite vintage. Obama claims that Libya isn’t Iraq and that we can’t afford to invest in the regime change business again but a half ass campaign of bombing and donating guns to Libyan rebels is so economically sound? What’s our exit policy on this one by the way? Do we plan on partnering up with the Undertaker and desperately lunging to tag him in so he can deliver the final death blow, bury our dictator war policy in the past and seal Gaddafi’s ashes in an urn that Keith Richards can snort. For all this talk of Arab Neighbors joining the fight, I don’t hear any mention of any bad ass Libyan rebels that stand any real shot of wrestling away the heavy weight championship belt from Gadafi or even the Intercontinental Championship Belt considering that the rebels have no go to fighting moves or the ability to get a cheering audience on it’s feet like Super Fly Jimmy Snuka or the suave, could be confused for an Arab or Mexican, elbow flying Tito Santana. What are these Arab neighbors doing to help the rebels anyway? Picking up fan mail from the UN that they can’t read anyway? What really burns me is the concept of this being a must have war as if Obama would miss out on the title of Greatest Humanitarian the Arab world has ever seen. Arming rebels is written off by our government as mere Monday Night Raw material and not worth the investment of pay per view money. At the same time, the two main events in Iraq and Afghanistan have lost fighting fan’s interest. At this point fighting fans are more concerned with whether the Ultimate Warrior is still alive in Mexico snorting Tequilla worms with Jim Morrison or whether Bam Bam Bigelow was burried in flaming tighty whiteies. If Obama was interviewed on the Pipers Pit, would he get hit over the head with a coconut by Rowdy Piper or would Obama talk him into boycotting Mel Gibson films and ditching the kilt forever. I don’t know. All I know is that Dictatormania has gone wild and we need an action star like the Rock to drop the People’s Elbow on Obama and say: Do you think that America is the Arab liberation business? It doesn’t matter what you think you Doc Rivers looking Jabroni. Know your role hope sucker.Now, I’m going to take your executive privilege, shine it up real nice and jam it up your lily, jump shooting ass, can you smelllllllllllllllll, what the Rock is cooking. Bonds is on trial for lying about steroid use when it’s the US government that should be on trial for artificially pumping up the American public on Middle East fear and domino effect theories that have nothing to with our improving our homeland security since 9/11, one iota. Calipari is considered a disgrace on the academic level yet at least he recruits talented kids and helps mold them into stars which is a talent our US military training officers can you use knowing that they are forced to accept any dim witted Hillbilly Jim wannabe because they can’t get accepted into anything else. The US has sent Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya lawyers, guns and money yet Dad can’t get us out of this. Because the US is dad and our step father China, has no problem cutting of our trust fund if we continue to take them for granted. But when the US is at war with Terrorists, the War Chests are never dry, especially when we fight in the name of freedom and have God on our side as Bob Dylan would say. Written By Josh Kornbluth
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