Since David Stern shot down the trade that would have brought Chris
Paul to the Los Angels Lakers, celebrities and famous athletes of all
stripes have been acccusing him of hating Purple and Gold People. “He vetoed the
trade for Chris Paul to prove who owns who according to gangsta rap
pioneer turned family friendly mogul, Ice Cube. He never said it but
by vetoing the trade he is one upping Obama going: Who’s got the
vetoing power now, biatch”, Ice Cube added.
When you hate Purple and Gold People you hate show time. “For David
Stern show time was the time at fat camp in the showers when everyone
showed off their fresh crop of pubic hair while he had nothing to show
which was way too much to bare”, according to Hall of Fame, HIV hurdler,
Magic Johnson. “If David Stern is so concerned with adopting the city
of New Orleans and helping out the disenfranchised then he should have
arranged a sale to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie”, says: former LSU star
and hoop collapsing dunk king, Shaquille O’Neal.
“Who does David Stern think he is, adopting ownership of the New
Orleans Hornets like he was Mr. Drummond trying to prevent a massive molestation at the Superdome”, says, last cast star standing, Todd Bridges. “If David Stern wasn’t so stingy;
he’d give the Lakers a shot to rack up more glittering rings yet they
don’t call him the Small Tipper for nothing”, says ex-Laker, Wilt the
Stilt otherwise known as the Big Dipper among his 100,000 lady flapping fans.
“He hates Purple and Gold People because they get access to the most
magnificent concentration of beauties in the world yet he’s always had
zero moves to the hole which is why I think he’s such a hater”, says,
former hooker haggling, hoop legend, James, ten times faster than
McHale, Worthy. When David Stern went to camp, his bunkmates, sky hooked
his swimming goggles into the bunk hamper every week during Laundry
Day which is why he’s so insistent on wrecking havoc on the Lakers
according to the NBA’s all time leading scorer and biggest loser in
stock market history, Kareem Adul Jabbar.
“He is a joyless toad that is intent on denying joy to the sunshine
state as he rots away in the staid suburban enclave of Westchester
county while our best and brightest stay up late bedding playmates”,
says lifestyle icon, Hugh Hefner. “Just when the Lakers were on the verge of scoring big, David Stern got in the way which makes him a cock blocker of the highest order”, added free speech icon, Larry, loose lipped Flynt.
The hardcore courtside fans know foul play when they see it. “From where I stand, David Stern shouldv'e beem charged with a lane violation every time he stepped out of his commissioner booth to shoot down the series of arranged deals”, says Jack, Cookoo for cocaine, Nicholson. Other purple and gold cheering, courtside celebrities believe that he is punishing their fan base to make up for his own sexual shortcomings. He’s the only guy that went to Mardi Gras in college who got all the purple and gold beads for promising to keep his cloths on says, Dyan can barley afford these tickets anymore, Cannon. “This nasty little warlock thinks he’s so smart yet he has no idea how to score in the triangle offense”, she added.
According to Nickki Finn at Deadline Hollywood, David Stern’s hatred
of Purple and Gold people reached a boiling point when his son was
denied an internship at DreamWorks. Steven Spielberg wrote his son
off as a substandard dreamer; David Geffen didn’t find him nearly cute
enough and was overheard at Calvin Klein’s pool house in Southampton
by the bilingual cabaña boy saying he had no interest in hiring a dumpy, uninspired version of Jeffrey Katzenberg’s kid.
Purple and Gold People aren’t used to such overt racism. They have keys the city of LA yet deep down they know that Stern wouldn’t trust them to valet his Audi. “Even purple and gold people have feelings says MJ stalker, Kobe Bryant.”
Even after offering to pay their wages, Lamar Odom can’t pay a camera
crew to film his reality show in Dallas. “If you think World Peace
went nuts when he attacked the fans at Auburn Hills, just wait and see
what Lamar does to the fans in Dallas when opposing fans start calling
Chloe Kardashian Leather Face which could lead to modern day Texas
Chainsaw Massacre”, says, horror movie maestro,
Purple and Gold People are accustomed to being envied but never
snickered at yet haters including Stern can’t help themselves now that
their calling LA, Lob City in honor of Paul and Griffin. Now, this capped duo is a bigger draw than Kobe and Gasol otherwise known as me and my bitch. According to Laker management, fan support is pretty shaky these days. “Fan support is about as firm as a limp handed handshake from Perez Hilton”, says Knick fan lifer, Chris Rock.
By negating the Laker deal for Chris Paul, David Stern has shown how much he hates Purple and Gold People, particularly, the self-proclaimed Mamba who’s now coiling in fear at the prospect of never slithering away from MJ’s shadow. Recent reports claim that a stand-by room service agent at the Mercer Hotel for Kayne West overheard him yelling at Stuart Scott on Sportscenter saying: “Stop dancing around it Stuart, just say David Stern hates Purple and Gold People, particularly, Kobe. Even your glass eye can see that.”